Update

Ok so I know I should have this on Monday but I got a bit caught up with work and study. So I’m doing it now… better late then never, right?

Weight- 75 kg
BMI- 32
Waist- 86 cm
Bust- 90 cm
Hips- 111 cm

So overall a good result. I’m not giving up though, I mean I have decided that I want to be at least 68 by March. Anything more will be a bonus.

Until next time xx

Advertisements

Fortnightly Update

For the last few days I have been looking after sick people, visiting people and have had headaches myself. It has been very hectic however,  in that time Ben has been teaching me how to cook. This has helped me to eat more healthier and well just knowing how to cook. For a whole fortnight I haven’t had chocolate,  soft drink and well sugar in general and I feel so much better. I have more energy to do things throughout the day which is good.

Update:
Weight: 76 – small but definitely an improvement
BMI: 32
Waist: 84cm
Bust: 94cm
Hips: 113cm

There is an improvement but still have a long way to go. I feel accomplished even though it’s small. I feel happy and more energetic, I can only imagine how I’ll feel when I have reached my goal.
Until next time xx

Hobbies

Talk about forgetting to write for awhile.  I have recently been introduced to the world of PC gaming. Though I don’t play the games hardcore gamers play, the g are still quiet addicting. I’ve been playing (and beening distracted) Skyrim, Sims 3, DC Universe online and Pokémon Emerald.
I’m not completely addicted as I do end up doing other things that need to be done but for a time waster it is easy to be distracted. I’ve also decided to play Just Dance on the WII as a form of exercise. I’ve discovered that it’s easier for me to do exercise when I’m having fun and I gotta say, I love dancing. I use to dance Ballet, Jazz as well as do gymnastics but I had a bad accident with my ankle so I had to stop. It was unfortunate at the time of the Dance Estedford because I couldn’t go and my under study had too as my partner accidentally dropped me and therefore injuring my ankle furnther. Though, I did get to watch the video of it at home. One of my friends from my class got her mum to film it and she brought it over and watched it with me. Come to think of it I haven’t spoken or seen her in awhile, I hope sheis doing well. She was such a talented dancer.
There was always that one thing that I loved doing just as much as dancing and gymnastics and that was Horse Riding. I was pretty good at it if I do say so myself. I recieved a trophy for first place in show jumpping and two 2nd places for dressage. I loved it and the horses especially mine, Dandy and Tubo. The local shows were always fun not only because of the performing in front of everyone on the back of amazingly beautiful animals but the bond you gained afterwards when you were cooling the horses down or giving them a carrot. However,  there was a period of sadness as my horse Dandy had to be put to sleep. That whole month I felt I had lost a friend but I knew it was for the best as Dandy had a fracture in one of his legs and though the vet tried to do everything she could to make him feel comfortable, in the end it was better to get him out of his misery. I was so upset when the day came the vet gave Dandy the needle and I couldn’t stop crying. The only thing that made me stop crying was the loving hugs I recieved from Tubo. In fact, Tubo was the one to keep me from giving up on Horse Riding.
I have also tried bowling. I was pretty good at it too and recieved two second place trophies for it. My team was somewhow always at the top ranks and to be honest, I don’t think I was the one making sure it stayed that way but in any case I helped. I made some pretty amazing friends in my team and in other teams as well but eventually one by one they stopped going and soon I was in a team of a range of new people who just didn’t understand my weirdness so I eventually stopped going.
Wow, looking at it, I’ve been busy when it comes to hobbies but I have to say each one I have enjoyed, even Gymnastics where the one thing I hated the most was climbing the rope.
I would like to get into Ballroom Dancing. I have no idea why but I really like it. There is a poetic and graceful way the dancers and I just love it. There isn’t really any other explanation for it.
Anyway,  until next time xx

The wrong kind of friendship

Today’s blog is a bit different to my other lame writtings. I mean it’s still lame but it’s expressing my disappointment,  sadness and relief in the loss of a friendship.
To begin with we were really good friends, almost like sisters. Did everything together. We meet in year 9 and I thought our bond was incredibly strong…. Well stronger then with my other friendships. She was here until the end of year 10 and then she moved away. We had minimal contact with each other due to me being at school and her not being here. I thought it was going great as she seemed to be there whenever I needed her. I think at the start she was.
At the start of year 11 she mentioned she was finding it difficult to stay where she was as she felt like a burden. I offered for her to live here temporarily until she found her feet. When she arrived with her stuff, I thought it was the best thing to happen. I thought ‘yay I live with my best friend. I was happy.
Year 12 came and over the time she had been with us, I started to feel as if she held some resentment toward me. She started trying to tell me what to do and how I should act and then when she realized I wasn’t bending, she would tell me something in her life that was hard and difficult and that she couldn’t over come it. It was my nature to listen, to try stop the crying and to try lift her spirits. I was there for her. I did what made her happy as I hated seeing her like that. By the end of year 12 however, I became stressed and I didn’t wanted to do much with her as I was madly studying. She never went back to school as she started working instead.
Tension quickly arose in the house as she stopped doing her chores and I would have to do them after my study before dad could say anything to her. That often made me go to bed at really late times and wake up feeling tired. Everytime I would say something to her, I either got my head snapped off or she would somehow make me feel like it was my fault.
That was like that alot. Whenever she was sad or angry…. Which was almost everyday…. I would ask her what was wrong or try to be there for her and she would just shut me out. End of year 12 came and I had started to distance, though very little as we were living in the same house, from her. I felt like no matter what I did she was never happy and never wantee me around. She would tell me to go away and everytime I would try to comfort her, she would get up and walk away from me. Later she would then come to me and tell me that I wasn’t trying hard enough to comfort her. So eventually, I just stopped trying because I didn’t feel like being abused or insulted whenever I tried to help and she would just snap my head off or walk away.
After school I was even more stressed as I didn’t have the score to get into UNI. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted, what I was passionate about because I wasn’t going to UNI. When she found out that I was upset she said that it was nothing compared to what she was going through. I didn’t care. To me it was real and it scared me. I didn’t care if she didn’t understand that I had a massive fear of not being able to do what I loved, she would just compare it to something in her life. So after that I never said anything to her.
I started TAFE last year. I was just glad my year advisor spoke words of wisdom to me otherwise I would never have thought about doing what I loved at TAFE. When she found out that I was going to TAFE to study Early Childhood Education,  she became even more cold towards me to the point where my other friends started to notice. Whenever they told me something like ‘you should stop being friends with her’ I would always make excuses for the way she behaved saying it wasn’t her fault. Though, in my heart I knew they were right. It was taking an emotional toll on me and I never realized until that point.
Towards the middle of the year, she turned 18 and though I am older then her, she continued to make me feel like her misfortunes were my fault. She started going out every night getting drunk and bring home people that myself nor dad knew. I was awkward on some nights when I woke up for a glass of water and there would already be a guy in the kitchen. I knew deep down that I shouldn’t be the one feeling awkward in my own house. When I meet Ben and started hanging around him, I couldn’t help but feel that she was throwing jealousy daggers my way.
Pretty soon, she kept talking about moving. I only encouraged her to do what was in her heart. She meet up with one of my other friends I had meet at TAFE and together they planned to move in together. Again, I only encouraged them. I felt it would be good for her to spread her wings and for me to finally have days were I didn’t constantly feel like I was the blame for someone else’s misfortunes.
When she told dad she was moving she didn’t say when or how long she would need to stay until she got a place. So dad took it as her two week notice. She didn’t like that so she avoided the house like a plague. At the end of the two weeks she did a speedy job at getting all her things and Then she left without another word. She eventually told everyone that we kicked her out when in reality we didn’t we did what a real estae agent told dad. He said if you have someone living with you and they tell you they are moving but they don’t say when they are, then you take that as a two week notice. So we did.
It wasn’t until the end of last year that she would ask to hang out and when I would say yes, she would never get back in contact until she wanted to know if I could give her a lift. It went like that for a few more weeks and then I heard nothing from her. Today I heard from her. However after everything, I just didn’t want to see her. I feel like I’m not ready to have her back in my life again. So I told her I didn’t feel like doing anything and she just hung up.
To be honest, I’m sad and disappointed in how things worked out but in a way relived that she is no longer a part of my life….. I mean one day she might be again but for now I’m just not ready.
Anyway, until the next post xx

Thinking of moving

It’s been a hectic 2 days already. Though, Crookshanks somehow fines it easy to sleep.

image

He is just adorable. In saying that though, he has ruined all the fly screens so know we can’t open any windows and because of that, it’s like a house is a living sauna. I don’t find it that bad…. Well except when I’m trying to sleep…. But dad and Ben find it difficult to stay in the house. I understand what they mean, it is hot but at the same time it could be worse right?
This is my fifth day without chocolate and Ben and I have had a mini argument already. I seem to be having a mood swing here and there, nothing too serious but I admit they are annoying. Being honest, I don’t remember what the argument was about but at the time it meant something. However, we didn’t stay mad at each other for that long as it was a silly argument.
I’ve been thinking a lot about moving with Ben out of Port maybe. We were talking about Newcastle or Sydney. Plus mum has put a few things in storage for when we do move. But, I’m worried about about dad I mean at the moment Ben and I are living with him and we are helping him with rent and the bills and I’m worried that if we move out dad will have to live with nan. Which would be ok if pop wasn’t sick and nan wasn’t also looking after my uncle. I guess if it’s meant to be, it will be… At least that’s what I’ve been told.
Today has been a bit slow, that’s why I’m writing earlier then I usually do, plus I somehow forget to write sometimes. On Sunday I’ll be doing some book keeping for mum’s partner. To me it is a little easy since I was a receptionist for at least 2 1/2 years. However, with the money I get from it will be going straight on cat food and credit. Not complaining,  I’m happy that they even offered me instead of hiring someone else.
Anyway,  until next time xx