Small update

So good news, I GOT MY DREAM JOB!! I’m now officially a child care worker. The bad news, we just got evicted from our house today. I mean we have 90 days but it’s still a huge shock. The owner wants to move back in so that means we have to go. On the plus side, no more squeaky bedroom door. The down side, finding a place that allows pets. I am not letting Crookshanks go, I love him too much. It will be hard but I am determined to find a place that can fit the three of us (dad, Ben and me) and allows pets. Today also brought up a talk of me and Ben moving out. We agreed (more I agreed for everyone) that Ben and I will stick around till the middle of next year. I just don’t feel like I won’t to leave dad just yet. I mean he has a lot of stuff at the moment weighing him down and I just want to be able to help him.

Short blog today, just a small update on the situation.

Until next time xx

Advertisements

That one person…

We all have that one person in our lives that is a total d***head…. sorry about the language but had to be said. The person at the moment in mine and Ben’s life is his once – close friend.
There are days where he is a great guy and you could talk to him all day long but then there are the bad days. The days where his mood swings take control. The days where any little thing sets him off. The days where all he does is want to take drugs.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll start from the start. He was one of Ben’s closest mates,  I mean they always hung out together. I didn’t mind Ben spend the night at his or if he came over and Ben stayed over. In fact it was good because I knew Ben had a good mate to hang out with when being around me all the time was getting too much (I mean come on,  couples don’t have to spend every second together). That went on for a while. This great bromance/ friendship they had and Ben knew that he liked to dabble in different drugs. Though, of course Ben and I didn’t know the extent of it.
Then, suddenly,  he just stopped doing stuff with Ben. Whenever Ben would organise something with him, he would always say he’ll be over…. but he never came. He wouldn’t even ring to say he wasn’t coming. The next day he would come around, without letting us know, and tell us that he got so high and would get mad whenever Ben confronted him about not coming over or at least ringing to say he wasn’t. He would always say ‘I never said that’ or ‘I would have remembered if you rang me’. It got to the point where one day I had a massive rage at him for being disrespectful to other people.
After that, all he did was make plans with Ben and then just before the plans were about to happen, he would ring Ben and say he is high so he won’t be doing what HE planned. One night when Ben rang him to do something, he said ‘I’m going where the drugs are so no’. That was when Ben gave up on him. Ben deleted and blocked him from everything. Months and months went by without so much as a phone call from him. It was like he just didn’t care about what friendship him and Ben had anymore.
We heard from a few of our other friends that his fiance broke up with him and that he lost his third job. Yet, we didn’t hear from him. Then out of the blue, he reached out to Ben and asked if he could go around to his house. I told Ben to give it ago because he wouldn’t know if he had changed or not unless Ben went to see. So he did. From that, the broken friendship slowly formed of course it wasn’t the same as before. Unfortunately, he hadn’t changed. He had start selling the drugs as a means to get money. Apperantly,  he had a job as well as selling the drugs but we hardly ever saw him go to work.
Skipping ahead to stuff that has been happening recently. Well… much of the same really. The only new things that have developed from all of this is that his grandparents kicked him out, he is living in his car, he has a job (or lost it from what occurred yesterday) and whenever he isn’t here annoying me and Ben, he is ‘out where the drugs are’.

With my reference to what happened yesterday…… he had stayed over but left around 7 in the morning for work which was good because dad was going to be out and Ben and I had to go to Kempsey. Ben was really sick so as soon as we got back he went to bed. I took the time to do a bit of cleaning and then I started to play the Sims 4 (which when you play, you really lose track of time). About 11 I heard a knock at the door and it was him. I let him in because I thought he was on break and wanted to get the few thing s he had left. I was talking to him and all the while feeling like a had to be a host. This wasn’t the first time he had just randomly showed up and decided to make himself at home. Everytime he did it, I felt like I had to be a host. I mean wouldn’t you if you had a guest in your home? 
He feel asleep on the floor and I didn’t know if I should leave him there or if I should just go about my business. See I knew I should have said something but at the same time I felt I should let Ben say something as he was more Ben’s friend. So, I left him just sleeping on the floor. Dad came home and he got off the floor to move to the lounge were again he fell asleep. Night fell and he had gotten up and started to play on Ben’s computer. I decided it was time to do something…. anything really….. so I woke Ben up (thankfully he was feeling much better). I told Ben how long he had been there for and that he fell asleep and I didn’t know what I should do excatly. Ben was annoyed that he had just come around without telling us and basically treating the house like a half way house or a last resort place to stay.
When Ben told him that he should go he reacted so badly. He started swearing and saying that he felt like he had a dagger in his heart. He said he felt hurt that I felt the need to watch him because I thought he was going to steal something. When I finally spoke up and explained to him that I felt like I had to be a host when he was here, his reaction changed. He tried to guilt us into letting him stay. He kept saying that he understood were I was coming from and then he tried to say he just ‘assumed’ that him and Ben were doing something.

He has broken three of our chairs because he had gotten angry, he had kicked and dented the side of Ben’s car, he almost killed both Ben and I in the car when he was driving and yet he says he has done nothing wrong. We all have that selfish d***head in our lives…. its the getting rid of them part that’s hard.

Until next time xx

Be Kind to Yourself journey

Whoa, it’s been a long time….
Over Easter, I attended a christening. It was so beautiful and it was the first time the Ben’s sister said I was her baby’s aunt. As you can imagine, I was over the moon.
On Good Friday, I went to the doctors because I have a lump in the middle of my chest. Turns out that it may be a hernia from exercising too much and too hard. I have to have an ultrasound this Friday to be sure it is a hernia and nothing too serious.
Today was a good day for me as I got a phone call from the preschool and they want me to go through to the next stage of recruitment, could have my dream job soon, I also went to see a weight loss lady today just too get extra help with my diet and my measurements (which I have been doing wrong).

The purpose of today’s blog however, was not to catch up on what’s been, or rather what hasn’t been,  happening in my life but to officially start my Self Love- Be Kind to Yourself journey. I’ve been inspired to do this for a while now because of my new getting healthy awareness and because I have been dreaming big and setting goals for myself for a super long time. I mean, for a long time I’ve set them but never reached them or for some reason or another didn’t have the confidence to even start them.
I do consider myself a spiritual person and I am heavily drawn to spiritual stuff i.e. tarot cards, pendulums etc. and in one of my previous blogs, I mention going to a Mind, Body and Soul expo where I got a wax reading done. To me it was an amazing experience and I would love to do it again. Anyway, while I was getting this amazing and accurate reading done, the guy mentioned that the Angels are telling me to believe in myself more, I should listen to myself way more and I should stop doubting myself. The guy recommended that I create a Vision board of what I desire, wish for and goals for myself so that I can tune into what the Angels are trying to tell me about loving, accepting and being kind to myself.

So I did, I created a Vision board. It doesn’t look like much as it is both my first and spontaneous Vision board but in saying that,  I have an idea of what I need to make a better one and what kinds of things I am actually wanting in life for the next Vision board I make.

image

Today I thought a about the love I have for myself and all the things I deny myself because of fear. Fear I won’t succeed. Fear of what others might say. Fear of not being good enough etc.
I remembered what one of my physics said to me once:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
I realised that without knowing it, I’ve been holding myself back from the things that make me happy. The things I want to do but I feel like I’m not good enough. So I’ve decided do to take my Reinventing Myself idea and mix it in with my Self Love – Be Kind to Yourself journey. I took my white board and wrote down some routines I have and then I jotted down some words. These words are there to remind me every morning when I wake up that I am beautiful,  strong and unique. They will remind me of what I love out of life and the things I want out of life (ties in with my Vision board). On top of that I have written the F.E.A.R anodote and a quote that I am going to change every week. The quote I have started with today is “Change your thoughts and you change your world”. I thought that was a great quote by Norman Vincent Peale to start with for this week.

image

I am also keeping a Self Love book (as you can see) where I write down my personal goals for my health and success etc.

This will be an on going things as everyday I learn more about myself. I accept myself more. Most importantly, I learn to love myself more. By next year (or when I make more Vision boards etc.) I’ll have a better idea of how to do them better.

Until next time xx