Wow…. its been a year since I have written. In that time I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster of things happening. I’ll try my best to sum up last year and the start of this year….
Ok here goes:
The last thing I updated the blog on was September 3rd 2015. 2015 is so long ago. That was the year that I became engaged, moved house with both my fiance and my dad and started my new casual position in my dream job. That was the year that I thought it was great because there was a few challenges but overall it was a good year. I didn’t know what was going to take place in the year to come so naturally I was NOT prepared in the slightest. Emphasis on the ‘NOT’ part.
2016 rolls around and yeah it started of okish. I was about to start my contract work in the center I was in, dad was chatting up a girl (which is a good thing because this one actually seemed nice), I had continued to keep my weight down and things just seemed ok. Of course dad was still having trouble with his work (or lack of) and Ben was either studying or having a hard time finding work so I took the role of making sure everyone was ok.
Things slowly started taking a turn for the worst when the end of March early April came. Dad was on and off going to Sydney for ‘work’. I say work very loosely because he would eventually come back after a week or two because of the place he went to had ended up stuffing him about. That in turn made Ben feel as if we were never going to be alone and never going to do the things couples do. He kept saying how worried he was that no matter what progress we made, I would always want dad to live with us. For a time that was true.
Anyway the situation with dad on the move was putting slight annoyances on Ben and maybe me a lil because I never knew if I could rearrange the house or decorated to make it feel homey also Ben and I had stopped talking about the wedding as we both agreed to wait for things to settle. This was around the time where I started eating unhealthy, not exercising as much (not that I did much exercising) and I even stopped seeing the doctor. I started to get really depressed- having a month of work due to an injury didn’t help with feeling depressed. Even work was starting to effect me in negative ways. Not because I didn’t love what I was doing, but because of the office politics and the constant drama between some of my colleagues. This was the year when Ben and I almost broke up due to a fight…. well it wasn’t a fight but there was deep, DEEP neglect on the relationship- this was mainly my fault due to the fact I felt worthless.
It is here where I should note that my depression like state seemed to intensive after the funeral of my great grandmother. Oh and the fact that I had to pretty much battle with my director to give me time off to actually go to the funeral.
I thought things were going to settle down a bit once dad had announced he was moving to QLD to move in with his now girlfriend and her four daughters. Unfortunately, there was drama and constant shifting of things right up until he moved in September. This is where you are probably rejoicing for me and Ben thinking we would finally be alone as a couple but you’d be wrong. So very wrong in fact, I wish it didn’t happen. About a week later we got a room mate. Not just a room mate but a friend. Why you ask especially when we wanted nothing more then to be on our own. Well…. realistically we couldn’t be on our own with only me working. We just couldn’t afford it. So we ran through our options and the friends we had/have and we picked the best person for the job. Also because he had expressed interest in moving from his parents place.
What a disaster. Don’t get me wrong, it started out great and we all talked about what the new living arrangement would be and how we were going to maintain the space ie. cleaning and food preparation (Cooking) etc. We all agreed to split the money for rent 3 ways as well as all the bills, he had told us that he was SUPER clean and that he was SUPER healthy. All of this will play a part when I post about the start of this year.
So October rolls on by and yet again I have another funeral to attend. This time my Pop who was the son of my great grandmother. This time I was asked to speak at the funeral and boy that was tough. I could not hold any of my tears in. I tell you I was an absolute mess. Of course this contributed to feeling even more depressed that I just shut down completely. So when things started to tick me off around the house, I made it very clear who and why. Often (all the time) that I’d get ticked off about something it was from our room mate. Little things can build up quick I have found.
To name a few:
1. He never does his dishes. I am a neat freak when it comes to the kitchen (the house in general) and I’ll often do the dishes maybe twice a day. Some people may think that’s a bit too much but when you cook pretty much all the time and you live with boys and the amount of food they eat you’d understand. Usually the 2nd time I do the dishes is before Ben and I go to sleep so everything is clean in the morning….. well yes you’d thing but no. He stays up most of the night, does more cooking, leaves the mess, has breakfast in the morning, leaves his bowel there, has lunch, leaves his mess there….. well you get the idea. All this is AFTER I have cleaned the kitchen and told him to please clean up after himself.
2. The air con is left on. Ok I get it, we live in Australia and the heat makes you want to kill yourself sometimes but really do we need to air con on all night? Like we still have electricity to pay- which by the way has rocketed since he has moved in.
There is a lot more little things but I’ll post them later.
When I had the opportunity to do Burlesque dancing, I took it. I think it was my form of lashing out because of the really revealing clothes the girls got to wear for it. Odd to say that I was lashing out but for anyone who knows me really well, they could see I was not being myself. However, in saying that Burlesque was quite fun and some great exercise so I think I might do it again- who knows. I have to admit Burlesque was the most fun I had all of 2016.
That is my summary for the very poor 2016. I’ll post again soon about the start of this year and the new adventures/ challenges I may be facing as well as how I have been going so far with the current situation.
Until next time xx